Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Thank God.

He had no idea what was going on.  Either the drugs were really good or really bad, but that was not the dilemma currently.  The question was could he get out of this mess that consisted of two dead hookers, a dying hooker, a slaughtered goat, and FBI agents.
It wasn’t like it was his fault that he had overfilled the bathtub and dropped on top of some hookers trying to summon Satan, nor that the FBI was doing a sting in the building.  But, now he was naked in a bubble bath with two dead hookers underneath and one more bleeding out from being attacked by the bathtub claw.  As he sat there in the bubbles he did find one piece of comfort: he now knew what laughter from under full tactical gear sounded like.
“I don’t think he is the drug pin we are looking for.” One of the agents said.  The others where still trying to hold back the laughter of witnessing a balding middle-age man with a shower cap and scrub brush looking surprised at the turn of events.
“Excuse me,” Dan timidly asked, “would you mind handing my towel and robe that have fallen at your feet?”  It was unfortunate that his favorite robe had been the object to land in the goat’s blood.
“Here you are. I am going to have to ask that you come with us for questioning.” The agent in charge replied.  “Oh, by the way pour some Coca-Cola on the blood stain.  It helps prevent it from setting.”

Dan was cursing the fact he had decided to take the LSD fueled bath.  Why did bubbles have to be such a great object to play with while high?  Why did his high make him forget that the tub was running?  And lastly why did he take the acid at home?  There was comfort that there were no more drugs in his apartment, as he had taken the last three hits.
“Excuse me sir, but I do require a statement.”  This FBI agent was cute but that thought was the acid talking.
“I told you everything, I took a bath and my floor gave way.  Will I be charged with their deaths?”  Dan was quite worried about that last part, he had never killed anything before.
“No, as they were conducting an illegal, drug-fueled Satin summoning it will be marked down as an Act of God.”
“Thank God.”
“I do believe that is the point sir.  Now if you would just sign here and somebody will be taking you to a hotel.”
“Wait! A hotel? But I want to go home!” This was not good, Dan checked the clock on the wall.  That was another 11 hours of trip outside the safety of his home.  Although, he thought, his home was not that safe to begin with.
“Yes, a hotel.” She replied, “We intend to use the accident as to place surveillance for monitoring the building.  Don’t worry, we will have you in protective custody for the next week.”

Dan went and sat down.  Protective custody? Wow, that was something he thought only happened in movies and television.  But, he guessed it must actually happen even if he didn’t know of anyone that went into it.  He smiled, that was kind of the point he thought.  He looked up at the FBI agent who had taken his statement; she was gorgeous, she exuded a warm vibe… and that was the LSD again.  Fuck, he would soon need a better place to be.  Maybe he could play off the next hour of the trip as trauma induced stress.  He then realized that he was stroking the chair, so maybe not.